Jay London

Comedian

70 Quotes

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.

People read me but they don't subscribe.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I model irregular clothing.

I was born nine months premature.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?

Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

Do you know it was a year a ago today?

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

People read me but they don't subscribe.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

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